How Two Words Can Lick What's Ailing Publishers

Halleleujah! We have found the two little words that will save the American magazine industry.

No, I’m not talking about calling ourselves "magazine media" as some advocate, or turning to "Chapter 11", as many publishers have done. I’m referring to Conde Nast’s new slogan for Bon Appetit: “Bite me.”

It’s just the kind of slogan we all need – a little bit naughty and oh so Me Generation. Just think of the possibilities if other publishers jump on the bandwagon:

• Candy Industry: “Lick me” (if Cosmopolitan doesn’t claim that first).
• Cigar Afficionado: “Smoke me.”
• The Economist: “Sleep with me.” (My eyes glaze over every time I try to look at those dreary pages with their egghead prose.)
• Hardware Retailing: “Drill me.”
• Rolling Stone: “See me. Feel me. Touch me. Heal me.”
• Vacuum International: Never mind.

And if Cycle World and Penthouse argue over who which one gets to say “Ride me,” they can always turn to The American Lawyer (“So sue me.”) for advice.

It’s enough to make this old print dinosaur feel tragically hip.

I’m calling on all magazine lovers to join the cause by suggesting “me” slogans for their favorite publications. You can email your ideas to dead.tree.edition@gmail.com or submit them as comments to this article.

As for me, I need to go work on implementing the new slogan for Dead Tree Edition: “Climb me.”


If you enjoyed this article, you have a really twisted sense of humor, which means you might also like these Dead Tree Edition attempts at humorous commentary on the magazine industry:  

• 9 Differences Between a School System and a Publishing Company: Lessons for Cathie Black
• Tina Brown Follows Husband's Footsteps -- Sort Of  
• Magazine Publishers: Asleep on the Job?

We're Number 5! We're Number 5! -- Recent Honors for Dead Tree Edition

The new Web site Printing's Best Blogs officially launched today with Dead Tree Edition as one of the three featured "Mailing/Postal" blogs, the second such honor this blog has attained in recent months.

I can't really complain about Dead Tree Edition being pigeon-holed into the postal category because lately I have been writing more about the U.S. Postal Service than any other subject. And this blog doesn't fit into any of the other categories at the Web site, which is owned by North American Publishing Company (publisher of Printing Impressions and Publishing Executive).

Besides, my little blog (average of just under 1,000 visitors daily) is in good company. Both of the other featured postal blogs -- Courier, Express, and Postal Observer and Postalnews Blog -- have great track records and  published dynamite stories today on post office closings.

At Courier, Express, and Postal Observer, Alan Robinson managed to catching both The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal with their pants down by pointing out that their recent sob stories about the closing of small-town post offices were mostly off base. Alan bothered to do something that the mainstream-media reporters apparently didn't -- actually read through the list of the 2,000 money-losing post offices that USPS has proposed for closure -- to find that the closings would "affect the nation's urban centers and have minimal impact on service to rural America."

Meanwhile, Postalnews Blog noted that it's not easy to define when a post office is losing money.

The other honor came four months ago, when noted industry commentator Patrick Henry named Dead Tree Edition #5 in his list of Top 10 blogs for printers and publishers. He also called me "an investigative journalist", which sounds a lot better than "a frustrated magazine-industry production guy who thinks he's a journalist because he once took a journalism course."

Again, Dead Tree Edition is in good company. Number 1 on Henry's list is Gordon Pritchard's Quality in Print, which is a phenomenal resource for printers and print buyers. Anyone who thinks bloggers are just people who sit around in their pajamas firing off ignorant comments and creating tacky-looking Web sites should check out Gordo's work.

(Disclosure: I'm not writing this in my pajamas, but I am wearing a bathrobe. And, please, no comments about tacky-looking blogs.)

Other articles about Dead Tree Edition:

• Interview with D. Eadward Tree, Chief Arborist at Dead Tree Edition: Deborah Corn attempts to "reveal the man behind the tree" and whether he really lives in Hawaii.
• Dead Tree Edition Tops Twitter and the World Cup: RISI shocks Mr. Tree (and the entire paper industry) by naming D. Eadward Tree #43 on its "Power List" of the industry's movers and shakers. Mr. Tree also reveals how he once thought he'd found a real job for Prince Charles.
• USPS Retirements and Staffing Changes Captured Readers' Attention in 2010: OK, enough already with this self-congratulation and self-promotion. A review of this blog's articles last year revealed two different times when he had to eat crow.

Postal Service ‘Discovers’ A Way To Grow Direct Mail

Don’t be surprised if you start seeing more solicitations for Discover cards showing up in your mailbox.

The U.S. Postal Service and Discover Financial Services have reached a deal giving Discover incentives to increase its mail volume during the next three years. The arrangement could set a pattern for deals with other large mailers that, like Discover, are mailing fewer customer statements these days because of online billing.

The Negotiated Service Agreement “is intended to promote new growth in Standard Mail that will help offset the expected decline in DFS’ First-Class Mail volume,” says USPS’ recent filing with the Postal Regulatory Commission. The agreement needs the PRC’s blessing to be implemented.

To qualify for rebates and avoid a penalty, Discover’s mail volume in the first year must be 10% higher than in the February 2010-January 2011, then 15% the second year and 20% the third year. But there’s a kicker:

“To qualify for rebates DFS must send an extra $1.65 worth of Standard Mail to offset each dollar decline in postage rom First-Class Mail. This mechanism is intended to control the difference in contribution margin between First-Class Mail and Standard Mail, and to maintain or increase overall contribution from DFS mail.”

Without the agreement, the Postal Service says, Discover’s First-Class mailings (such as monthly statements) would decline about 5% annually and its Standard mail (such as credit card solicitations) would increase 7% to 11%.

“In order to qualify for a rebate (and avoid paying a penalty), DFS will have to increase the Standard Mail postage it pays another five to 15 percent,” the Postal Service’s request says. “The Postal Service estimates that this agreement will generate an additional $2 million to $15 million in contribution.”

The Postal Service envisions pursuing similar deals with other large mailers “to maintain or increase the value of a customer whose use of highly-profitable First-Class Mail is declining.”

Other recent articles about the Postal Service include:

• Is That A Flat-Rate Envelope in His Pocket, Or Is the Postmaster General Just Glad To See You?
• The Elephant Has Ears: Some Good News for Mailers Along With the Rate Hikes
• Donahoe, No Potter Clone, Quickly Making His Mark
  

NewPage Gets Some Breathing Room

By recently renegotiating its banking relationships, New Page has apparently made it a bit more difficult for the main owner of rival paper maker Verso to gain control of the company.

NewPage, the largest maker of coated paper in the U.S., yesterday filed with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission an amendment to its $500 million revolving credit facility that extends the maturity date by at least five months, to March 1, 2012.

The heavily indebted company's 3rd Quarter earnings report described the dilemma it faced: "Our revolving credit facility matures on October 2, 2011 unless we repay or refinance our second-lien notes by July 4, 2011, in which case the revolving credit facility matures on December 21, 2012." Those notes have at times traded for 33 cents on the dollar, indicating investors' pessimism about NewPage's ability to repay them.

Apollo Management, which has a controlling stake in Verso, has snapped up many of those notes, giving it significant leverage over NewPage. In theory, it could have forced NewPage into insolvency six months from now by insisting on full repayment. But the amendment filed yesterday seems to give NewPage more breathing room.

Apollo and Cerberus, which owns NewPage, have reportedly been in talks recently about the paper company's debt problems (as described in NewPage, Verso Owners Reportedly Discussing a Deal). Jim Sturdivant of Publishing Executive reported today on speculation that Apollo may be trying to get some of NewPage's assets for Verso or perhaps representation on its board (and he referred to Dead Tree Edition as "influential").

The changes to the revolving credit facility were approved by 11 financial institutions on Jan. 14, with Wells Fargo the lead bank. But the document's references to "non-accepting lenders" indicates that some banks rejected the deal and are ending their relationships with NewPage.