"The Lord is my CEO, I shall not want. He maketh me to dwell in a free-market economy. He leadeth me into low tax havens."
After praising a new line of carbon-neutral Bibles last month, Dead Tree Edition is going to do the fair and balanced thing by offering some help for the Conservative Bible Project. Last week, Conservapedia announced that wiki-like re-translation of the Bible to rid it of "liberal bias." (After all, most of the Bible was written by Jews!)
Speaking of liberal bias, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God" sounds like something written by a tofu eater. Here's a red-meat conservative version of Matthew 5:9: "Blessed are the Peacekeeper missiles, for they shall be called the weapons of the godly."
Let's update "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees" for the 21st Century: "Step aside, you trial lawyers and pointy-headed intellectuals!"
Contributions from prominent conservatives would help the project. To assist that effort, Dead Tree Edition is offering some free ghost writing.
For example, how about Rush Limbaugh rewriting "use a little wine for thy stomach's sake" (I Timothy 5:23) as "use a little OxyContin, which will give you the intestinal fortitude to fight off the feminazis"?
Or George Bush's take on "with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26): "Don't misunderestimate God."
Did the Last Supper really occur in an "upper room"? The Dick Cheney translation of Mark 14:15 will set the record straight: It was a bunker in "an undisclosed location."
Larry Craig could translate Matthew 5:11 as "Blessed are you when men shall revile you, and not re-elect you, and falsely accuse you of doing strange things in airport bathrooms."
Come on, folks, let's hear your suggestions for the Conservative Bible Project.
And why don't you godless liberals see what you can come up with for your heroes? Just make sure Bill Clinton doesn't refer to Bathsheba (II Samuel 11) as "an intern."
Showing posts with label carbon-neutral Bibles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label carbon-neutral Bibles. Show all posts
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Carbon-Neutral Bibles? Amen to That!
The movement to reduce the carbon footprint of printed products got a blessing recently when Zondervan announced a line of carbon-neutral Bibles.
The Essential Bible Series will be available only in Walmart, "aligning with Walmart's environmental stewardship efforts," the announcement said.
"To achieve CarbonNeutral® publication status, the emissions produced by the printing, production, storage and distribution of the Bibles to Walmart were independently measured by a third party assessor, and reduced to net zero through carbon offsetting," it added.
Walmart, once the scourge of the green movement, has embarked on aggressive climate-change efforts that have made it something of a darling among environmentalists -- assuming the Birkenstock crowd can ever bring itself to trust anything from Arkansas not named Clinton.
The Zondervan announcement leaves a bit to be desired -- not clarifying, for example, whether the offsets cover emissions related to manufacturing the paper or specifying how the offsets will be used
But it is a step in the right direction if it helps move the discussion about "green" printing beyond just using paper with recycled content. In fact, recycled fiber is not well suited to making bible paper, which needs stronger fibers because it is so thin.
The new line of Bibles should do well with the "What would Jesus drive?" movement, which has tried to present climate change as a moral and spiritual issue. (The answer to the movement's question, by the way, is a fuel-efficient Japanese-brand car made in the U.S., as evidenced by Jesus' statement in John 12:49 -- "I do not speak of my own Accord.")
The Essential Bible Series will be available only in Walmart, "aligning with Walmart's environmental stewardship efforts," the announcement said.
"To achieve CarbonNeutral® publication status, the emissions produced by the printing, production, storage and distribution of the Bibles to Walmart were independently measured by a third party assessor, and reduced to net zero through carbon offsetting," it added.
Walmart, once the scourge of the green movement, has embarked on aggressive climate-change efforts that have made it something of a darling among environmentalists -- assuming the Birkenstock crowd can ever bring itself to trust anything from Arkansas not named Clinton.
The Zondervan announcement leaves a bit to be desired -- not clarifying, for example, whether the offsets cover emissions related to manufacturing the paper or specifying how the offsets will be used
But it is a step in the right direction if it helps move the discussion about "green" printing beyond just using paper with recycled content. In fact, recycled fiber is not well suited to making bible paper, which needs stronger fibers because it is so thin.
The new line of Bibles should do well with the "What would Jesus drive?" movement, which has tried to present climate change as a moral and spiritual issue. (The answer to the movement's question, by the way, is a fuel-efficient Japanese-brand car made in the U.S., as evidenced by Jesus' statement in John 12:49 -- "I do not speak of my own Accord.")
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