1. Hear “PMS” and think first of ink. (And you’re a printing supergeek if you hear about a woman having PMS problems and think, “I wonder if she’s just tried using process colors.”)
2. Know that dot whacking in public won’t get you thrown into jail.3. Realize that a debarker belongs at a pulp mill, not a veterinarian’s office.
4. Cringe when someone says “red ink” and find yourself reflexively responding, “It’s magenta.”
5. Don’t snicker when someone refers to blow-ins.
6. Are aware that commingling isn’t something you do at a networking function.
7. Understand that there’s nothing intelligent about the Intelligent Mail barcode.
8. Know that “too much showthrough” does not refer to a black bra under a white blouse.
9. Realize that dot gain has nothing to do with that weight your Aunt Dorothy has put on. (And you’re a printing freakazoid if you insist on saying “tone value increase” instead of “dot gain”.)
10. Know how to spell “supercalendered” even though spell-check keeps telling you “super calendar”.
11. Reply “Additive or subtractive?” when your child asks about primary colors.
12. Assume a woman worked in prepress if she says she’s a retired stripper.
Believe it or not, this article was inspired by an excellent -- and far more serious -- guest column called "You Know Print Buying Is Your Passion When" that was posted at Bostonprintbuyers.com but is no longer available. But if you’re really a printing geek, or aspire to be one, you are probably already a regular reader of “Margie’s Print Tips” at that site.
Other humorous articles at Dead Tree Edition include
- OMG! I Was Only Kidding, Not Psychic : Twitter as Person of the Year?: I've got my own candidate for Bird of the Year and look back fondly on Rosie O'Donnell's infamous bird of the year in 2001.
- Re-Righting The Bible: No More Namby-Pamby Peacemaking: What if prominent conservatives re-wrote Bible passages to rid them of liberal bias?
- Playboy and Virgin Fail to Hook Up: Headline writers are still in mourning that this deal didn't occur.
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