1. Hear “PMS” and think first of ink. (And you’re a printing supergeek if you hear about a woman having PMS problems and think, “I wonder if she’s just tried using process colors.”)
2. Know that dot whacking in public won’t get you thrown into jail.
3. Realize that a debarker belongs at a pulp mill, not a veterinarian’s office.
4. Cringe when someone says “red ink” and find yourself reflexively responding, “It’s magenta.”
5. Don’t snicker when someone refers to blow-ins.
6. Are aware that commingling isn’t something you do at a networking function.
7. Understand that there’s nothing intelligent about the Intelligent Mail barcode.
8. Know that “too much showthrough” does not refer to a black bra under a white blouse.
9. Realize that dot gain has nothing to do with that weight your Aunt Dorothy has put on. (And you’re a printing freakazoid if you insist on saying “tone value increase” instead of “dot gain”.)
10. Know how to spell “supercalendered” even though spell-check keeps telling you “super calendar”.
11. Reply “Additive or subtractive?” when your child asks about primary colors.
12. Assume a woman worked in prepress if she says she’s a retired stripper.
Believe it or not, this article was inspired by an excellent -- and far more serious -- guest column called "You Know Print Buying Is Your Passion When" that was posted at Bostonprintbuyers.com but is no longer available. But if you’re really a printing geek, or aspire to be one, you are probably already a regular reader of “Margie’s Print Tips” at that site.
Other humorous articles at Dead Tree Edition include
- OMG! I Was Only Kidding, Not Psychic : Twitter as Person of the Year?: I've got my own candidate for Bird of the Year and look back fondly on Rosie O'Donnell's infamous bird of the year in 2001.
- Re-Righting The Bible: No More Namby-Pamby Peacemaking: What if prominent conservatives re-wrote Bible passages to rid them of liberal bias?
- Playboy and Virgin Fail to Hook Up: Headline writers are still in mourning that this deal didn't occur.