Why didn't they ask us?
After costing creditors $6 billion and its stockholders another $2 billion, newsprint giant AbitibiBowater wants to shed its past by changing its name to one selected by employees.
The company expects to announce its new moniker in the fall after culling through more than 1,400 recent suggestions from employees, according to ForestTalk. Too bad it didn't ask its customers, former employees, investors, or creditors. We could have offered some colorful suggestions that don't entirely leave the past behind.
Dead Tree Edition's nickname for the company, "AbitibiUnderwater" doesn't work now that it has emerged from bankruptcy protection nearly debt-free and perhaps even profitable. In honor of that magical transformation AbiBow could be renamed Abracadabrawater.
Creditors and ex-employees left holding the bag when the company went Chapter 11 might prefer the name AbitweelNeverpayoo.
James Bond fans who see some kind of evil specter in Abitibi's dominance of the newsprint market might prefer AbitibiBlofeld.
Wall Street would go for AbitibiBiorefinery because "biorefinery" sounds like a much sexier investment than "pulp and paper mill".
CEO Richard Garneau (nicknamed "Rain Man" by employees of a previous company because of his uncanny knack for remembering numbers) revealed Thursday that the company's wood costs are 91% higher in Quebec than in the U.S, according to ForestTalk. So how about AhbuttobeOutofQuebec?
Those who are pessimistic about the company's outlook might select AbitibiTreadingwater. Or, with a Too Big To Fail twist, AbranchoftheCanadiangovernment.
And if you expect a return to bankruptcy court, there's always Chapter 22.